Saturday, February 25, 2017

1 SAMUEL 6:6

1 Samuel 6:6
Why then do you harden your hearts, as the Egyptians and Pharaoh hardened their hearts? When he had worked wonderfully among them, didn't they let the people go, and they departed?


I am focusing my heart on the first part of the first sentence from 1 Samuel 6:6. I am meditating carefully on my entire life. And I am trying to find what it is that hardened me. I had a friend who had differing political views and I guess my response to her was a bit too hard. She told me afterward, "This is not the girl I used to know; she would never be so hard."

It both shames and hurts me to know that I have made an enemy or hurt anyone.

When I was young, a teen in high school, I was known for being "a funny little girl". I was always joking with my male and female friends alike. I wanted deeply to fit it and be like by them. This longing came from a secret in my past that I would not open my mind to know many years later, but that's another story. 

Sometimes people are so generous of spirit and so good to you, yet you have something inside that makes you hard toward them. That is another God-made human being just like you. So why do we freeze people out, say hurtful things and then laugh like its a private joke?

I began this, and the words coming are not mine. I am focusing on The Holy Spirit and the above scripture for the words that will touch you and change you just a little toward Christ.

I have been on the receiving end of the hardened hearts. I have had many occasions through my adult life where people in a group or singularly have hurt my feelings through coarse and callus words. Life can harden many of us if we allow it. I didn't realize how much I had changed until that friend from a different place and time about 40 years ago said those words, "this is not the words of the girl I used to know."
I was younger, more naive, and I was doing foolish things that I never thought twice about, but I was always the funny one that everyone wanted to be around. Now I see myself on the other side of the mountain and going down this side of life seem like it moves a lot quicker that the time moving up to the top. I wish I had paid more attention to a lot of things, but mostly to Jesus, Scripture and our Father God. It's too late to go back, but I can change the future one day at a time.

No, I'm not saying that I am not nice; I'm saying that if provoked, I somehow forget that I am a Christian and tangle with others. I am so very sorry, and I know it is something I need to work on. I know where to start - at the beginning.

When I give up Social Media for Lent, I will be focusing on this part of me that is buried very deep and try to reconcile myself to being a better daughter, wife, mother, grandmother and friend. I pray most sincerely that following Lent, everyone will see Abbey still here, writing to poor souls to give it up to Jesus, to those who have already claimed their salvation, and to myself because the words I write are as much for me as they are for you. 

I am so imperfect, but God still loves me. Jesus and the Blessed Mother, all the Angels and Saints - they love me, but they also know how imperfect I am and what faults I carry with me. They will be with me more than any other time as we approach the time of Christ's Passion and Crucifixion, for us he died, for forgiveness of our sins, for all sins for all time. Break it down like that and think, "It was over 2,000 years ago and He died for MY sin today." Just think  about that one sentence and see if it does not overwhelm you! It overwhelms me, and has ever since I accepted Jesus as my Savior. Jesus doesn't judge whom he loves; he just loves everyone and if people take the wrong path? Well, that was their choice, not Jesus'. Sometimes God allows us to go through with things instead of stopping us so that we can learn from our own actions.

I'm here to find Abbey, the Abbey of not that long ago and how I got where I am now. I have some answers, but certainly not all of them. I'll spend the rest of my life learning them and seeking to stay on the righteous path.

Lovingly in Jesus Christ, Our Savior,

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