Thursday, May 29, 2008

Stun Gun

I have to thank my friend, Panther Mom, for this little ditty. I have laughed so hard and I could not resist posting it. I hope you get as much enjoyment from it as I have.

Stun Gun (only a man would do this) (Gals - you have got to read the whole thing if you can keep the tears out of your eyes)

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something "extra" for my wife. I came across a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect her self against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the batteries.

All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad...

I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst", when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get way up there??? My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Obituary: COMMON SENSE

My parents told me about Mr Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by. Today, I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of remembrance, for Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary
Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated valuable lessons such as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound, financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion, or a sticky plaster to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

A Baptist Dog

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted.

The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. 'Fetch the Bible,' he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. 'Now find Psalm 23' he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor and showing the marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and found the correct passage, then pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.

That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. Finally, one man asked, 'Can he do regular dog tricks, too?' 'I haven't tried yet,' the past or replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. 'HEEL!' the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, 'Good Lord! He's Pentecostal.'

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Where have I been?

Greetings Friends!

Obviously, I've been either in a lull on blogging or have been out-of-pocket and unable to post. It's actually been a little of both.

Following surgery in early April, I spent many days reading, and in fact, I read 5 books in 7 weeks - that's an all-time high number for me. I like to read, but am so busy that when I start to wind down, all I want to do is go to bed and get some much needed rest. I had to return to work a bit earlier that the doctor would have liked, but it was a matter of hanging onto my job and since it is the most laid-back job I've ever had, and considering that I'll be retiring in about 8 years, I'm all about something that is little pressure. I'm no longer eager to be that go-getter and climb the "corporate ladder". No, I want to ease my way out of the working genre, with little fanfare and as far under the radar as possible. But back to returning to work, I am extremely tired by the end of the day. I don't have the energy level yet that I need to maintain this schedule with little wear and tear. Every day, I tell myself that I'm going home and I'm going to get on the treadmill and walk. One thing or the other always gets in my way. Yesterday, G was home early and he had already been on the treadmill and was sitting on the patio drinking a beverage. I grabbed a glass of iced tea and joined him for about 10 minutes, but my body kept crying "SHOWER SHOWER SHOWER, WARM WATER, SOOTHING, CLEAN!!" So off I went to shower.

G came in not long after and we fixed us some leftovers from Memorial Day. I was gone to the back to our room and in the bed watching television shortly after 8:00. I'm just beat. I feel paranoid that G is doing so much around the house and I'm contributing little, but not to the level that I normally do, and sometimes I can sense his anxiousness about it. He claims to not care, it simply has to be done and he doesn't mind, but yet, I think the compassion has gone out the door with my return to work. It's as if suddenly, "Okay, you're working so you're well." I admit, I have been somewhat worried at the lack of energy, but I think I had too good of a time at the lake last weekend.

We got a last-minute invite to Fannie Brown's place on Neely-Henry and we headed up after work on Friday. She has added a large great room onto the upper level of the house, along with a large covered deck that extends the width of the house and around the side. With lake homes, you usually find the main living area upstairs and bedrooms down so that one can enjoy the full view of the water.

I dove into my adult beverage as soon as we got of the main road and headed up to her place. We had planned to head to Gadsden and eat at El Tapatio, but after a few beverages, and taking time to look over all the renovations, painting of the shop house and boat house to match the new paint on the house, etc., we opted to drive about 3 miles to a small quick mart that has a nice grill. We opted for loaded pizzas and a bag of hot wings.

Too much adult beverage and food and I was ready to hit the sack by 10:30. Actually, I'd been ready but had already taken some ribbing about sleeping later than the hostess, going to bed before the hostess, etc., and sensitive ole me, I took it to heart and didn't want to commit this social fau paux again.

Saturday morning began with coffee on the deck overlooking the water, birds chirping and neighbors out and about doing their own of whatever one does at the lake. We started yardwork around 10:00 a.m. with me riding Clyde, the lawn tractor/mower and G doing the weed-eating work, and Fannie doing the cleaning down at the shop on the patio. We finally got out on the pontoon around 2:00, which was really late but we couldn't resist. We picked up burgers and onion rings from the quick mart again Saturday night. And by dark, I couldn't help myself, I was so, so drained. I felt as though I would fall in my tracks if I ventured too far. Nevermind the ribbing and such, I took my carcass down the stairs and crawled into bed, but G was right behind me, so guess they were ready.

We went out on Sunday and got a little sunburn, but had to get home in time for the Coca Cola 600, stopping by the store for groceries for Memorial Day, etc. The kids and grandkids went to the pool and came by for eats around 4:00. My daughter made me an awesome margarita from a recipe that she got online. It has lime sherbert and some kind of sorbet, with the triple sec and tequila. It is truly delicious!!!

All three of my grandchildren made All Stars so it ain't over yet. It takes both my daughter and her husband and me and G all to get them each where they need to be with conflicting practicing and games. Hannah will travel to Tuscaloosa, Pell City, Prattville, and who knows where else. I'm hoping and praying the boys will be based in Helena primarily, but don't think they'll travel further than Pelham and Alabaster in any case.

I'm so tired of working and wish I could afford to be a woman of leisure. As I said, the doctor was not ready for me to return to work, but my uncanny intuition told me "you best get back and soon" and thus I did. Good thing because my intuition was serving me well. Much longer and I might be a woman of leisure and that would not be the best of news for either G or me.

I'm a little burned out blogging. It takes a LOT of time if you visit other blogger friends, read, comment, and then keep your own blog up. I just don't want to spend all of that time in front of the computer. So, I'll post here and there, but I can't say I will be visiting much. I didn't say "never", but I am working on an idea for a screenplay. I found a great site on the web where you can work on your idea/script and there are informative things there to help you. You can go public or private, and if you go public, other members can comment and make suggestions on your script. I had a little brainstorm of an idea last weekend, after giving up on the idea of writing music or a novel, and am going to develop this idea and see where it leads. Wish me luck!!! One thing you can never say, "Abbey has a lazy mind!" As I said, even in my sleep, it is churning out dreams, vivid ones, every single night!

PEACE!

Today's Wisdom from Heartlight


Whoso walketh uprightly shall be saved: but he that is perverse in his ways shall fall at once.
~ Proverbs 28:18, King James Version

This Day's . . .

Prayer can do anything that God can do.

~ E. M. Bounds



A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth.

~ Proverbs 17:24, The New International Version

Maxine (Again!)


As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, remember:

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called .......
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People.'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and
your boss, the Pope only expects you
to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to
your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes
were inevitable Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just
vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'

11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
the splinters never point the wrong way

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Major General Peter Cosgrove, an 'Australian treasure!'

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly sup ervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Friday, May 23, 2008

D. L. Moody used to say, "In our prayers we talk to God, in our Bible study, God talks to us, and we had better let God do most of the talking." We certainly ought to spend more time every day listening to what God has to say to us in His Word than we require Him to spend in listening to what we have to say to Him in our prayers.

~ R. A. Torrey


“So don’t be anxious about tomorrow, God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.”

~ Matthew 6:34, The Living Bible


Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity! I say, let your affairs be as two or three, and not a hundred or a thousand, instead of a million count half a dozen, and keep your account on your thumb-nail.

~ Henry David Thoreau

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Heartlight


I am touched by this Heartlight because it pretty much sums up why I reach out by posting verses and prayers and other spiritual musings. If I can touch just one person who is lost, even not knowing whether or not I have, it is with joy that I put forth such a small effort, but with the most to gain for the lost ones.

VERSE: Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

~ James 5:20


THOUGHT: When someone wanders from the path of God, let's not take that rebellion frivolously. God has given us the tremendous blessing of carrying on the work of our Savior, who came to seek and save the lost!

PRAYER: Be with those I love who are in rebellion against you, dear Father. Use me to be your agent of restoration. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Christianity is not a collection of truths to be believed, of laws to be obeyed...Christianity is a person, one who loved us so much, one who calls for our love. Christianity is Christ.

~ Oscar Romero
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

~ Matthew 5:23-24, The New International Version

Abbott and Costello

They're a particular favorite, especially of my son's who has tons of movies and loves watching them, no matter how many times he's seen them. I think this has been around, but I still enjoy it.


Abbott and Costello

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes become flustered because of our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT.

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will i t get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!( A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on "START.........

Friday, May 16, 2008

THIS DAY'S . . .

We ask for silver and God sometimes sends his denials wrapped in gold.

~ Unknown


For the grace of God has appeared for the salvation of all men, training us to renounce irreligion and worldly passions, and to live sober, upright, and godly lives in this world, awaiting our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all iniquity and to purify for himself a people of his own who are zealous for good deeds.

~ Titus 2:11-14, The Revised Standard Version


Laughter is the tranquilizer with no side effects.

~ Arnold Glasgow

Crabby Old Man?

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a small hospital near Tampa, Florida, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Missouri. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem. And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet.

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses?.....What do you see?
What are you thinking.....when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man,....not very wise,
Uncertain of habit.......with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food.......and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice.....'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice...the things that you do.
And forever is losing........... A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not...........lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding......The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?.....Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse......you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am..........As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding,....as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten.......with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters........who love one another.

A young boy of sixteen.......with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now........a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty.....my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows......that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now........I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide....And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty........My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other........With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons...have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me.......to see I d on't mourn.
At Fifty, once more,........Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children......My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me.............My wife is now dead.
I look at the future...............I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing......young of their own.
And I think of the years....And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man.........and nature is cruel.
'Tis jest to make old age....look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles..........grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone........where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass......A young guy still dwells,
And now and again......my battered heart swells
I remember the joys...........I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living.............life over again.

I think of the years, all too few......gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact........that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people..........open and see.
Not a crabby old man. Look closer....see........ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within.....we will all, one day, be there, too! The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched. They must be felt by the heart. God Bless.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Template Mania!

After trying several templates and pulling my hair out, I'm back to the original. If anyone out there knows how you can find other templates for this blogspot, let me know!!

Sign me,
Not Yet Satiated!

Speaking of the "Tongue"

Someone posted this on the Helena forum today and I thought it quite profound:

"Simple people talk about other people.
Average people talk about things.
Wise people talk about ideas."

My, How the Years Go By

Good friends are like stars ... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live today.

How quickly the years pass ...



Tips for my ladies in 2008 ...

1. Aspire to be Barbie? - the bitch has everything.
2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.
3. Take life with a pinch of salt ... A Wedge of Lime, and a Shot of Tequila.
4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!
5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 Days).
6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no menopause and this is just your personality.
8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok.... They know me here.
9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
11. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with Vodka.
12. Remember every good looking; sweet, single male is Someone-Else's Ex-Boyfriend!

WANTED!

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego , was visiting her in-laws, and while there she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her Head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Linda is a blonde and a Democrat who is going to vote for Obama, but I'm certain that's irrelevant and simply a coincidence.

Daily Wisdom from Heartlight


He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.

~ Proverbs 13:3, King James Version

I find Today's Wisdom very poignant. My mother and I talked in depth about the "tongue" and how much damage it can do. I am quick with my tongue and it has gotten me into a lot of trouble. And I would say that it is the second most important thing that I have worked on in recent years (second to learning to Forgive) and I've come a really long way. But to the point, when my Mother was here, she looked up and gave me the verses in The Bible to read concerning the tongue. See James 3:1-17

Talkin' 'bout My Generation(s)

Not to get into all the "whys", but I got to celebrate MY Mother's Day with my family last night at Petrocelli's. This is my three generations . . .


When my first grandchild was born, it was a girl - Hannah Irelynn. We immediately realized that we had a rare thing going on in our family. We actually had FIVE living generations of females! We captured this in a formal portrait by Larry Young (the most awesome photographer in these parts). From left to right, me, my Mother (holding Hannah), my Granny, and my daughter, Christie (Hannah's mommie).



My Dear Granny passed away in March 2003, and I am so thankful to have this photograph. She is the one who instilled all of the wonderful qualities that I have spoken about my Mother. My Granny was the same way. She was quiet and unassuming, never missed church - she was there whenever the doors were open, and I have one of her Bibles and it is so tattered and worn, and even has packing tape on the spine to keep it together. My Granny READ her Bible, and she had more than one and they were all well-used. She was a joy and I'll write in depth about her later. Her name was Lillie.

Incidentally, my Mother and Daddy, who are 76 years old, are the proud GREAT-grandparents to 11 children! Can you believe that? That's another photo that I'll have to post later.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The New Generation

- The Silent generation, people born before 1945.

- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1961.

- Generation X, people born between 1962 and 1980.

- Generation Y, people born between 1981 and 1992.

Why do we call the last one generation Y. I did not know, but a caricaturist explains it eloquently below . . . Learned something new!


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

"David Cook Wins the Night"


Quote, Simon Cowell. I'll get back to round one last. Round two was a bomb for all three competitors, in my opinion.

David A. - David has a lovely voice, especially for a 17 year old boy. But, in my view, David is not a versatile singer. He is quite simply, a ballad singer. I love his voice, his vibrato, his pitch is good, but he's stuck in one genre.

Syesha - I think Syesha is a gorgeous girl, and extremely talented. Her vocal ranges are tremendous while still carrying her vibrato and pitch. However, just about everything that Syesha sings sounds the same. It's all a wash for me.

In Round One, I felt that Simon Cowell was trying to throw David Cook a real curve by picking the song "The First Time (Ever I Saw Your Face)". And I was worried! Guess what, I have already downloaded David's version. This young man gives me goose bumps, no matter what he sings (well, except for the song choice in Round Two tonight). But the song in Round One, watching his mother standing in the audience alone, gazing at her son as he sang this most beautiful of romantic ballads, well, it just sent me over the moon. His eyes sparkle, the way his mouth goes slightly crooked when he opens up for volume, his demeanor, the whole package .... ladies, he's a heartbreaker, but he's more - a damn good vocalist. David Cook, I'm convinced, can sing anything, and my money is on him to win, or at least, he has my vote and full support. Win or no win, David Cook is going to be a star in its finest form.

God bless all the contestants for their bravery and strength to stand up there every week and be criticized in front of millions of people.

David Cook, listen up Dawg, you ARE The Man!

CONGRATULATIONS, HELENA WILDCATS!!

Last night was the 14th and final game for Hannah's softball team. It was probably THE most exciting softball game I have ever seen for two reasons: First and foremost, because my granddaughter was playing, and second, I was sitting right there cheering her team on to victory.

This is Hannah's first year to play softball and she has found her niche! She LUVS "my softball", as she calls it. And with her Dad's relentless working with her and her brothers over the last couple of years, preparing all of them for softball/baseball, the work shows and has paid off.

Hannah's team is the Helena Patriots and they finished their season 14-0! Hannah played first base all season, and their ain't nothing that girl cannot catch. Throw it to her, she'll catch it one way or the other. And she's an extremely strong hitter as well. I wish I knew her average so I could tell you, but it is high, high, high.

She has truly loved playing this season and my heart smiles seeing her blossom into this niche that she has found for herself. I could not be more proud. Next, the Patriots will be playing in a softball tournament this weekend. That is another exciting thing we're looking forward to, but right now, we're savoring the championship, for which each girl received a nice trophy that said "CHAMPIONS" and a game ball from the coaches. I don't know their names, but Hannah had some awesome coaches who are gifted, patient and truly love those girls. God bless them all for the time that they put in with these kids.


And to Hanna from Mimi, I love you, my sweet angel. I am so, so proud of you, not just for your accomplishments in softball, but for your accomplishments in your young life. God love and bless you always.

THIS DAY'S . . .

I may have mentioned this in an earlier post, but in the last 6 or 7 months, I have talked at length with my Mother about the Bible, and she told me that she has read it, cover to cover, twice. I was somewhat taken aback because I didn't know that and that's an amazing thing for a human being to do. First of all, she has a Living Bible (and I have the Catholic Living Bible), so it is "readable" and understandable. Now if I were to try and read the Bible as it is written, I would get completely lost and probably give up. But, because of my Mother, who is the Biblical woman I know, I began to read my Bible. Mother suggested that I read the New Testament first, mainly because she thought I would find a wealth of inspiration from it with regard to my life and things that are going on in my life now. Gracious me, sometimes she will tell me about something and where to find it, I'll start reading and it's like the best book I've ever read. I can't stop reading! I think that is one of the greatest gifts my Mother has given me and it is a daily blessing. Especially when I have a problem or something weighing heavily on my mind, I turn to The Good Book for what my soul needs and I always find it. This all boils down to "This Day's Thought" being so significant, not to mention, poingnant! God bless you all.

Abbey


I'm glad there's a depth in the Bible I know nothing about, for it shows its divine authorship. A man once came to me with a very difficult passage and said, "Mr. Moody, how do you explain that?" I replied, "I don't." "But how do you interpret it?" "I don't interpret it." "Well, how do you understand it?" "I don't understand it." "What do you do with it?" "I don't do anything with it." "You don't believe it?" "Yes, I believe it! I believe many things I don't understand. Nature itself is filled with wonders we cannot fathom, so how can we expect to know everything spiritual?"

~ D. L. Moody


But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control; and here there is no conflict with Jewish laws. Those who belong to Christ have nailed their natural evil desires to his cross and crucified them there. If we are living now by the Holy Spirit’s power, let us follow the Holy Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Then we won’t need to look for honors and popularity, which lead to jealousy and hard feelings.

~ Galatians 5:22-26, The Living Bible

Monday, May 12, 2008

Alive and Kickin'

Taking a break from blogging was not so much intentional as I just didn't have the desire and I promised myself that I would not come here and just ramble just to be rambling. I have a few things on my mind.

SPECIAL MOTHER'S DAY GIFT

My daughter, the most brilliantly gifted and creative person that I know handmade for me the beads of this rosary. They are the same type beads that she makes for her jewelry line. They are each hand made from clay and baked. She made every bead, put them all together, and she had purchased the crucifix from Bead Biz some time ago. As it turns out, when Pope Benedict visted the United States last month, my daughter had a friend who was going to the Mass in New York. She took several crosses and items for various friends, enough to fit into one quart-sized baggie with her and all received a special blessing from the Pope. I know you Protestants (I was once Pentecostal, as I think I've told you) don't understand the significance, but trust me, it is an honor and an enormous blessing to have such a beautiful rosary which has had the blessing of the leader of the Catholic faith. I almost cried when I saw it. First thing out of my mouth was "I want to be buried with it", and she said, "don't you want to pass it down to your grandchildren?" Well, there's already three of them and my son hasn't even married yet, so to whom would I pass this most cherished possession. Hopefully, I have time to think that one over.

I have another rosary that she gave to me when I was sick in 2005. It is adorned with red roses, which follows the fact that Saint Therese of Lisieux is my patron Saint. This, too, has been a very special rosary and it's the one that I use most. So, now I have two, both gifted by my one and only daughter, my best girlfriend and one of the two greatest loves of my life.

RESTAURANT REVIEWS

Fraydo's

Our most recent order of pizza from Fraydo's in Helena was very disappointing, and it has been my intention to call the owner, who asked for such criticism when it occurred, but haven't gotten around to it. We ordered three pizzas: large Canadian bacon, large pepperoni, and a supreme.

The Canadian bacon pizza was practically void of any "bacon". You were lucky if you got once piece or one and a half of the bacon on a slice of pizza. It was extremely disappointing. Pepperoni, on the other hand, seems to be in good quantity, probably because it's cheap. The supreme was also a huge disappointment. Yes, there were onions, green peppers, mushrooms, etc., but again, there were one or two slices of green pepper, and minimal of all the other ingredients.


Finally, I am finding that the pizzas are almost void of any pizza sauce and in fact, have paid extra just to get some sauce on my pizza. One shouldn't have to do this. It ain't pizza if it doesn't have plenty of sauce. We also ordered sides of red pepper flakes and parmesean cheese, which were apparently forgotten.

Fraydos is cheap in price, but in the beginning the product was most excellent. Their product is now beginning to reflect their price, hence the saying "you get what you pay for". I hope they perk up, cause I'm excited about Pizza Hut opening. Heck, even Dominoe's delivers a pizza lathing with cheese and plenty of sauce without one having to even request it! Wake up Fraydos. This is your hour of make it or break it. For this meal, you're getting 2 1/2 stars out of 5, and I'm going to try Pizza Hut next to see if it's any better.

Zou's Kitchen

Gee offered to get take-out last week and although I was leaning toward pizza, but after the above, we decided on Chinese. We had recently received a menu from the new Zou's in the mail (we usually order from Lucky China and have always been thoroughly satisfied), so we decided to give them a try.

Hot & Sour Soup for Two: Well, I don't know where to begin. The special hot & sour soup for two that we have had a numerous Chinese places is full of scallops, shrimp, chicken, chinese vegetables and mushrooms, and a little tofu. The broth is usually not too thick, and is nice and spicy. The soup we got at Zou's was first, very thick, like a gravy rather than a soup. I think we counted two shrimp, two scallops, a couple of very small and almost unidentifiable pieces of chicken, and TONS of tofu! Me, I detest tofu. I pick it out. I had my tastebuds all set for a nice bowl of hot & sour with lots of shrimp, scallops, etc., and what I got was a bowl of gravy filled with tofu, emphasis on "filled" as in filler.

We also ordered the House Fried Rice. In the large container, the fried rice contained exactly two shrimp and no other meat, and it was very dry.

Lastly, we shared an order of Three Delicacies - shrimp, chicken and beef - with Chinese vegetables in a gravy sauce. Again, short on the shrimp and chicken, heavy on the beef, and overall, the size of the order was very disappointing. Usually one expects and receives such a large order that you can count on having plenty to share. The taste was very good, but it was not up to the standards that I expected.

Okay Zou's, you're getting 1 1/2 stars out of 5 on this one. For my money, I'm going to stick with Lucky China (keeping with trying to support Helena business).

HOW ARE WE FEELING?

On the way back from our trip to Georgia to see Gee's mother yesterday, he said that it seemed that I was feeling better, probably unnoticed by moi that I had not complained much. I had not thought much about it, but when he mentioned it, I did and realized that yes, I am finally feeling a lot better. I have a couple of issues with my neck that still plague me, but I have traveled a very long road and it seems I am walking downhill now, instead of uphill, and it's easier every day, thank God. I see the doctor a week from today and I am in great hope of being back to work sometime next week.

A BIG EVENT IN A CHILD'S SPIRITUAL JOURNEY


My middle grandson, Bay, made his First Holy Communion a week ago yesterday. I finally have a photo or two to share. Bay is a very spiritual boy, and has always had a certain sensitivity and compassion for his fellow human beings. He is kind and thoughtful, thankful and gracious. He is loving and intelligent, and he puts his all into everything he does. He is simply passionate about life. I recall not two years ago my daughter telling me a story of finding him and his little brother in their room in make-shift vestaments with cups and little plates of broken crackers, pretending to be a priest conducting a Mass. On the other hand, Bay is also a fine singer and actor. What an extreme. I tell people he's gonna be in show business or a priest! Anyway, I am so proud of him for his Godliness and his respect and love of his faith and his Father in heaven and of Jesus and the Blessed Mother. When I think back to my daughter beginning to have her family, I thought "I'm not ready to be a grandmother". How shameful that is. Now that I am here, I cannot imagine my life without these three little ones in it. When I feel down or depressed about something, or just having a bad day, I stop by and see them just long enough for them to run to me, calling out my name in cheerful excitement, soaking up the hugs and the kisses and calming them enough that each one can say what it is that they are all trying to say at once. They brighten my days and renew me in so many wonderful ways. I'm really one blessed lady!

BUCK CREEK FESTIVAL

Well, alas, I was not able to go, but my daughter had a booth there to sell some of her creations. What a disappointment. She made enough money to cover the booth rental and almost covered what she spent on the items she made to sell. She said it was a good experience because she learned a lot talking to people, especially the other vendors. Two vendors, like her, said they would not do the Buck Creek Festival again. Why? Because it seems when there is a festival where there is live musical entertainment, people come for the entertainment and food and not to buy crafts. It was an enormous disappointment. She was told by the organizers how much they wanted them to do well so that they would come back the next year. If this year was any indication, I'd say a lot of of folks who sell crafts come one time and never come again. I don't know if it is the arrangement of the booths in conjunction with the entertainment or if it is truly that people only come for the entertainment. It is our opinion after this experience that there should be consideration given to having the Buck Creek festival, consisting of entertainment and games for the children, and then a separate Buck Creek Arts & Crafts festival. And yes, I intend to put this in the suggestion box.

That's it, I'm done, so stick a fork in me. Thanks to everyone who sent me emails of good Mother's Day wishes, and postings on the blog as well. Yawl come back.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Underwear Dust

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?', he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. ' Honey ,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'

Prayers Answered

Here is an update from my Aunt on my cousin's evaluation after several months of radiation and chemo therapy for the brain tumor that was removed. On Thursday, he first had an MRI, which was CLEAR, thanks be to God, and then had two other medical evaluations:

"His hemoglobin was still a little low, but the doctor gave him something to bring it up. He thought that was one of the things causing him to be tired. He said his brain was still a little swollen and healing but it looked the way he expected it to look. He takes 5 more pills of chemo and then stays off of it for 25 days, and he will see the doctor again the last of May. He will have another MRI the lst of July. They will keep a constant check on him. He will be working a lot at home for the next several months. He has his own Laptop computer at home now. He seemed to be pleased with his report. But he did say to not stop praying for him. So please keep praying everybody."

Heartlight


VERSE: Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God; for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.

~ Ecclesiastes 5:2


THOUGHT: Even in our sound-byte world, far too many words are spoken in pledge to God that go unfulfilled. Let's thank him, praise him, and petition him. But let's also realize that, while our prayers need to be persistent, our words don't need to be elaborate or refined, just few in number.

PRAYER: Almighty God, thank you that the Holy Spirit intercedes for me while I pray. Thank you that I don't have to have articulate prayers to be heard. Thank you for not expecting grandiose promises from me. I come to you as your child, your humble servant who longs to live for you and praise you with all of my life. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

The Legend of the Cherokee Indian

I have heard this story many times, and I love it. It came to me again in an email from a loving family member and I wanted to share it with you.

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?

His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.

The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night,
protecting his son from harm.

We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him. If you liked this story, pass it on. If not, perhaps you took off your blindfold before dawn.

Moral of the Story:

Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not there.

Prayer Request

My cousin who underwent brain surgery to remove a mass that proved malignant returns to his oncologist today after months of radiation and chemo therapy. Please pray for a positive report. He is a good, Christian man and so young. He deserves good news!

Thanks, my frans!

THIS DAY'S . . .

I can take my telescope and look millions of miles into space; but I can go away to my room and in prayer get nearer to God and heaven than I can when assisted by all the telescopes of earth.

~ Isaac Newton

Develop your business first before building your house.

~ Proverbs 24:27, The Living Bible


I cannot recall, in any of my reading, a single instance of a prophet who applied for the job.

~ A. W. Tozer

Ref: "From the Archives"

Me and Gee had to just give it up. Our ire and the source of our pain grew daily, without relief. I'll try to be sensible, hard as it is since I am so frustrated!

Our neighbors ("ON" for short), across the street, is a single lady with two boys (they were boys, but now young "men" - using that term very loosely). The younger of the two is quite a handful. Oh, but not to forget that the "mother", and I use that term quite loosely as I would never want to be in the same category of mothering as she, is relatively absent these days. Neighbors "say" that she bought the house with funds received from a car accident settlement - I don't know. The yard is unkept now that she is gone most of the time (another rumor: boyfriend in the scene) and the boys are left with the run of the place.

We have a "No Parking" ordinance in our neighborhood, yet one finds 1, 2 and sometimes 3 vehicles parked curbside overnight in front of ON's regularly. Months ago, we began calling the HPD at around 5:30 a.m. asking them to ticket the vehicles. I suppose it is "procedure", but they would come out, mosey up to the door and knock, a knock which never receives an answer, and then they resorted to writing the tickets. It took a few calls over a couple of weeks, but I reckon the boys party friends got the message and it let up.

About three weeks ago, Gee was coming home from the store midday (he had been home with me after my surgery) and got a sight that got his dander up. Obvioiusly, the ON's thought we were both at work since we park in the garage. He saw the young boy's girlfriend standing in the driveway watching one of their 3 pooches' roaming out yard for a place to do his business. Gee pulled into the driveway and more or less gunned the motor to scare the dog off. You would have thought the world was coming to an end. Little Miss Priss comes running across the street hollering "you didn't need to do that, I'll get him, I'll get him", to which Gee simply said, "keep your dog out of my yard, let him poop in your own yard." Miss Priss did the juvenile regular "whatever" numerous times as she returned across the street.

About a week later, Gee looks out the window and there is the younger boy, standing in the driveway, watching his little pooch in our yard AGAIN looking for a place to do his business. Gee proceeded out through the garage and he picked up a bat on the way. Now, the purpose of the bat was protection; he didn't know if the dog would bite or the kid would. Nevertheless, the kid comes running, both legs and mouth, at Gee, and he's cursing a blue streak. Gee tries to tell him that he's told them already to keep the dog over in their own yard to poop, to which the kid says "yea, I already heard about you cussing out my girlfriend." Well, first, there was no cursing by Gee, other than he said "keep the dog in your own damn yard", and he was entitled. Gee touched the boys shirt in an effort to get his attention and try to talk some sense about this situation. He was met with a swinging arm and a "don't you f-ing touch me". Gee was taken aback even further when the boy said, "you're such a bad MF with your bat and everything" .... needless to say, Gee was floored and mad as hades. The kid proceeds back across the street, dog in tow, and giving Gee the international one-finger sign, say F-you multiple times in the process.

I found a pile of poop and I was going to go and put it on their driveway. Mom wouldn't let me. She and I were sitting on the front porch and the kid and his girlfriend were sitting on the tailgate of his truck, him hollering at me, in front of my 76 year old mother "shut the F up" multiple times. I went in and called the police. The kid leaves before the police arrive, but I filed an harrassment complaint. I could have gone to court and asked the magistrate to pick him up and let him sit overnight in jail, but we decided to thing this thing through thoroughly. We both work, and under normal circumstances, no one would be home during the day. I let it lie for the time being.

Some background: We live in a nice neighborhood, lots of families, and one feels safe walking at literally any time of day or night. Five years ago, this kid was 15 years old. A young mother was walking and pushing a stroller containing her female toddler during the day, and the motion in ON's driveway caught her peripheral vision so she glanced up. What she saw horrified her. There was the kid, buck naked, flogging his dingy at her. The police were called and the kid was hauled off. Through research, I found that he did a stint in Bradford, and his case is sealed due to the fact that he was a minor.

With the incidents of late, I decided to use my Alacourt pass to check on this dude. I found that he had been arrested for the second time just this past April 12 for possession and use of drugs, and a second charge for possession of drug paraphernalia. I happened upon this on April 25, and this turned out to be his court date. Boy, I wish I'd known this and I'd have had a little chat with the prosecutor. I don't even know if his so-called mother knows about this, but I note he was gone early on the 25th, but he returned home later in the day. HE'S BACK! I checked Alacourt yesterday, and the clerk's usually update the case records right then in court, but this case has not been updated, so I don't know the status. The kid is free on bond, this is his second offense, my grandchildren live around the corner, as well as multiple other children in this neighborhood, his "homey" is once again spending the night and parking overnight curbside, and I'm at a loss.

Gee and I talked about it last night and his theory is probably what is wrong with America today. He's fed up and say's we're not doing another thing; let somebody else complain. And you know why? Because the system is not working. I was assured that the HPD would make "regular" drives through here on the 11-7:00 shift checking for overnight parkers, but if they are, they're not ticketing, so there is no deterrent.

I see young boys coming out of the house at early hours of the morning, disheveled and searching through clothing in trunks for something to wear. It's literally become a flop house. At any time of day, one might see one of the boys or Miss Priss come out of the garage and head behind the large unkept shrubbery in the front yard for a few minutes, obviously smoking their pot, and then going back in the house.

I've been told by the authorities that they are aware of this situation and that the mother is just as bad; she'd jump on you with both hands and both feet if you try to talk to her about her kid's behavior. It's America; they have a right to live there; there's nothing I can do about it except try to turn a blind eye to it. Some dear elderly people live next door to them and the wife tells the husband "oh no, don't say anyting to them, you don't know what they might do to us." They are scared to death of the boys, in spite of their yard being filled with cigarette butts and they don't smoke. That's pretty sad.

I hope someone in Helena with some authority is reading this and has a better idea than I can conjure up on how to deal with this situation. That's my diatribe for today, and hence the picture posted yesterday, which brought to mind the ON's and this situation. Maybe getting off my chest will give me some peace.


Here's a photo I took this morning around 6 a.m. of one of the regulars' vehicle - it belongs to their home boy. God help me to overlook them and just go on with my life and let the chips fall where they may.